Post #3144431

Sorry if I'm all over the place, but I need to vent. I don't know what's with Mom, but she's getting increasingly agitated. She has been yelling at me and accusing me of things I am not and she refuses to listen to me when I tell her what is going on with me. She is accusing me of being a lazy good for nothing piece of trash and she thinks I'm faking autism as an excuse to be lazy. I'm not faking it, I have been diagnosed autistic by many different psychologists throughout the years. Not only am I autistic, I'm also struggling with my mental health, a lot. I am depressed, very depressed, so depressed that on many days, I just don't give a damn about my life. So depressed that any activity I do takes too much out of me, mentally. Even simple activities like cleaning my room is mentally draining. And it also doesn't help that my ADHD is in the way. I am mentally exhausted. I keep myself buried on the internet all day because it's the only outlet I have, the only place where I can escape my problems, the only place where I have any sort of social life, the only place where I can be free. I'm aware that my current lifestyle cannot be sustained forever, but I don't know what else to do. I wish I can life a normal life like any neurotypical person. I wish I never had these damn problems. If my damn father wasn't such a terrible person to me when I was growing up, maybe I'd be in a better place today and I would be better than I am now. My father was the biggest source of my deteriorating mental health. Bullies in school during my childhood is also another very big source of my deteriorating mental health. Those two things are still hurting me big time to this day. My mom's piece of trash boyfriend, another source. Lack of friends in person, lack of a life-long partner, also sources. The political nightmare together with the anti-transgender movement happening where I live now, also a huge source. Lots of other things are a source for my poor mental health. I'm struggling... so much so, I am overwhelmed. I just want a normal life! Why is a normal life so out of reach for me? Some idiots think that me transitioning into a woman is the source of my problems... no, it isn't. In fact, me transitioning from male to female actually took away a very huge source of my mental health problems, but transition alone isn't enough. Until I can move past my other issues, I don't think I can get better and right now, it seems very impossible to move past my issues...