Post #3033889

Someone asked if anyone needed a hug, and in fact at that moment I did need a hug but every default in me said that I did not. I think this is a widespread masculine response. But I did take a moment (oddly, before the hug) to reflect on what makes denial so automatic. For me I felt a need to both actively query myself in response to the question ("_do_ I need a hug?") and then to navigate myself to an answer of "no". What I felt wasn't a need to perform a masculine role or live up to some masculine expectation. Those are very outward, and that default answer of "no" truly came from within. It feels like a self-discipline exercise. That is: to NEED something implies it can usurp some other priority (such as being a strong and solid presence for others). As I've grown older I've come to feel we each actively choose and construct who we are on a regular basis. (Who is the me that chooses, vs the me that is chosen for? Therein lies difficulty of existence!) These questions I ask and answer of myself are part of that. And it's not just that when asked if I need anything that I must say "no". To reinforce my self-construction I have to _mean_ it. I'm not really interested in judging this. And though I think these mental pathways are pretty gendered, I'm not intending to make any direct comparison, or claim these pathways universal or universally gendered. It feels more useful and interesting to try to see these things for what they are. --- Anyway, I thought about all that for a couple beats then said "yes I could use a hug" and it was nice to get a hug.