Post #2846720

For a while, I've been thinking I'm just not good enough to keep around. I'm just a stepping stone until something better arrives. And I was right. We broke up in the best possible terms. But I'm afraid I'll never forgive myself for not being a perfect partner. I'm glad I experienced love. But I'm not sure I'll ever want to trade a potentially ever-lasting friendship for a fragile, soul-crushing relationship. Not again. Maybe he wanted someone whose light was stronger than their darkness. That hasn't been me for a long time. I tried to give him as much joy as I could. To arrange nice vacations, birthdays and anniversaries. To always be there for him. I never used my words against him. But I constantly used them against myself. How much joy can you really get from someone who can never heal? I'm seeing a psychiatrist this Friday, but I'm not exactly filled with hope. I don't see this year or this life getting any better.