Post #2769685

2026-05-22 09:23 UTC

What The Shit I’ve been dating Nate for two years (tho wanna clarify we are not doing marriage-kids and we’re both actively looking for more serious other partners). Nate is profoundly wonderful in many ways, like often surprises me in new ways of wonderfulness, and has raised my standards in partners. He’s deeply caring, attentive, competent, hilarious, and of course brilliant. […] Iirc he’s explicitly said he doesn’t respect my thinking (edit: he clarifies he respects it in some areas but not others) The way these people are larping conflict resolution is so exhausting aaaaaaa please can you just do normal abuse

Replies (1)

@blakestacey@awful.systems 2026-05-22 22:05

From elsewhere in the comments: … I am constantly aware that having an angry outburst is massively socially unacceptable, to the point where if I let such things happen regularly I would lose my job / my standing in the community / all my friends / everyone close to me. This creates an extremely strong incentive for me to self-regulate at least my outward reactions, even when it’s really hard. But because Nate is so high-status, he is allowed to make such outbursts without being faced with losing his job, his standing in the community, or his friends. This means he is insufficiently incentivized to self-regulate, and thus has been unable to learn. High-status? Why?!! Jesus H. Fuck, I hope that if anyone ever gives me a get-out-of-social-consequences-free card, it’s for a better reason than my blogging.

Open ##2769684