Post #2529994

2026-04-22 20:44 UTC

Okay so, by way of contrast, here's the existing ad copythat I was trying to improve. Is this already good? I was nervous about this version, thus the attempt at the more abstract in the op. A book almost twenty years in the making, Lies of Stone takes up some years after the Children of the Desert series ended, as the historical separation between the desert southlands and the lush northlands erodes. The Northern Church, thrown from power, is not taking their fall from the king’s favor well, the king himself is struggling to manage the chaos he’s inherited, and the desert Families are being forced to reinvent themselves in a world no longer ruled by the ha’reye and ha’ra’hain. Against that background, Lia of Stecatr and Tank of Bright Bay must confront the lies and truths of their past — and step into a future neither of them ever anticipated. ....

Replies (1)

@mandrake@hachyderm.io 2026-04-23 19:37

@Lionesslady@mindly.social For this version a few questions: 1. Do readers need to have read the other books for this book to make sense? If yes the references make sense, if not I would add it maybe as a half sentence somewhere for the fans, that this is in the same universe but no more. Also, be honest about it. I read a supposed 'standalone' book set in an exsisting universe, and it was the most bizzare read, because clearly the author expected readers to know the place. From the blurb, I think this is the strongest section: "The Northern Church, thrown from power, is not taking their fall from the king’s favor well, the king himself is struggling to manage the chaos he’s inherited, and the desert Families are being forced to reinvent themselves in a world no longer ruled by the ha’reye and ha’ra’hain. Against that background, Lia of Stecatr and Tank of Bright Bay must confront the lies and truths of their past." I would replace a few commas with periods in the first paragraph to give each struggling faction their space. "the chaos he’s inherited" - maybe one or two words more to make "chaos" more specific. What is chaotic: power, money, war, political, natural disaster? What is his challenge? "the desert Families are being forced to reinvent themselves in a world no longer ruled by the ha’reye and ha’ra’hain." 1. Without context, I have no idea what this implies, so if this is a standalone work I would try to describe this conflict with one or two words more to make this clearer to the newcomers. 2. Does this reinvention bring them into conflict with the aforementioned parties? Do Lia and Tank belong to any of the conflicting factions? If yes, are they on the same side?

Open ##2530005