Post #2460818

I haven't spoken/posted much about my plurality because, in part, it's all quite new to me, but also because I'm worried about saying something that others object to or generally facing ridicule, but recent events have had me thinking a little more on the whole subject and how it impacts my grief and the way I process things. As a quick outline or what I have discovered about myself so far: (A)nya - Me, the responsible one that has largely always been here, experienced most of everything, etc. (a)nya - Little, agere, etc. The child. Age is fluid. (Bu)nya - Bunnygirl. Can be agere/little, or Big, etc. Bimbo bunny. (void) - We don't really know if void is the name or just a description at the moment, this one is our newest discovery. Empty, blank, where most of the bad stuff [thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc] goes and comes from, tbh. The past (almost) 2 weeks, since Ruby died, anya and Bunya have gone mostly silent. I know they're still there, but the shock and grief of the situation is just...way too much for them. This has added extra complications and pressures to the whole grief process. Because different parts of me are grieving in entirely different ways, at different speeds, and a lot of the need to be present is being placed squarely on my (Anya's) shoulders or runs the risk of just being absorbed into the void. In addition to all of this, Ruby was also plural. I know there were at least 2 other headmates within Ruby, one of whom was also a little, and that adds even more to the grief...because we didn't just lose one person, one best friend, we lost a whole system of people, creatures, and personalities. All of this has been, and still is, beyond difficult to deal with and begin to process. A lot of our posts over the coming weeks/months are going to focus on very aspects of the way we are processing all of this, so I apologise in advance to anybody that finds this stuff uncomfortable but I have always been a very online person (more so now that I am largely house/bed bound and isolated), so it makes sense that a lot of my processing is going to be done in post form.