Post #1961115

@aizuchi I don't really "date" anyone, but I do kink scenes, and vet folks in that context a lot. As I understand it "dating" doesn't have the structure around discussing boundaries and expectations clearly which probably isn't helpful. Ok, let's say I'm at an event, and I'm available for pickup play. Some guy approaches. First pass check is the gut check. Anything about the vibe that is off? Is something in my body ringing alarm bells, raising flags or sending smoke signals? If not, proceed. Chat, gauge body language, word choices, tone, etc. look around to see if there are any peers that can signal more information. Like maybe who they came with or how they're connected to the event, etc. Since I'm usually at vetted events I know there is already a layer of screening that has occurred. If they seem safe so far, and they've expressed interest in being tied up, I proceed with my speed negotiation. Obviously, the structured environment makes it very easy to feel out different things and shift gears quickly. I also hear a _lot_ of gossip about different men in the scene because it's part of normal chatter amongst the femmes and pretty useful information about which ones have which faults and which ones to seek out for different reasons. Idk what to call this safety factor. Peer review? The buzz? The better tea party? It might help to know how you meet men for dating purposes, because advice on how to vet them will vary on that information I think.