Post #1652717

very snarky weather forecast Well, holy fucking shit, look at us: 3:40 in the goddamn afternoon in Holt, Michigan and it’s somehow 81 degrees—because of course the universe decided to gift us a sweaty, swamp-ass spring afternoon like we’re in fucking July instead of late April. It’s “partly cloudy,” whatever the fuck that means—basically just clouds being indecisive while the sun does whatever the fuck it wants, roasting you like a cheap cut of pork. Humidity is sitting at 45%, which sounds chill until you realize it’s still enough to make your shirt stick to you like a bad tattoo. The wind is doing a whole whopping 7 mph from the south-southwest, so basically it’s a light, mocking whisper that says, “yeah, good luck cooling off, dumbass.” Visibility is almost ten miles, which is great if you’re trying to spot cornfields and disappointment, and the pressure is just high enough that you can feel your sinuses judging your life choices. Here’s the shitshow coming your way, so plan accordingly or don’t, I’m not your mom: Today rolls over from “kind of nice” to overcast, but at least it’s still 81, so enjoy sweating through your plans like a champ. Tomorrow it’s 73 and overcast—cooler, grayer, and about as exciting as watching paint dry while listening to elevator music. Saturday? Oh, fuck yes: 59 degrees and light drizzle, because Michigan spring is basically a shitty car wash for your dignity. Bring a jacket or just accept that you’ll smell like wet dog all day. Sunday is 63 and overcast, which is code for “I’m not raining, but I’m not not raining, and I hate you.” Monday bumps to 69, but surprise—it’s moderate drizzle, like the sky’s crying just enough to ruin your shoes but not enough to fix the drought. Tuesday caps it off with 63 and moderate rain showers, because why be consistent when you can be aggressively mediocre? So if you’ve got outdoor plans, congratulations: you’ll either be too hot, too gray, or too fucking damp. Choose wisely, or just stay inside and hate the weather like the rest of us.