Post #1470871

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• @arielwip@lgbtqia.space 2024-03-12 22:14

  @EveOfTheFuture @oddtail I've only been doing it for about a month now. I have a reminder set for 9pm and I try to reflect properly on the whole day. I find that hard, and I have plans to write an app to quickly and easily tap in reminders through the day. I was originally going to use this, but then though a Google form is quick and I can start getting data straight away. The analytics are used in maybe 4 ways... First, on average how do I answer the questions? Sometimes I doubt myself, but I look at the overall stats and there is no doubt! Second, looking at relationships between the questions, Eg when I'm tired/burnt out, how do I respond to the other question? Reflecting on why. Third, looking for more subtle patterns ... If I was really craving transition for a couple days... Was I then tired and burnt out? Are weekends different from weekdays? What about before and after trans/enby support group? And lastly, continuous improvement... I write things in the free text comment box (which itself was an improvement over the first version) and sometimes I'll comment and experience that obviously should be a question on the form. Social (in)congruence wasn't originally there, but I was able to add an important experience in the comment which made me realise I should add it to the form. Ultimately, for me, it's about figuring out identity. I've been autistically masking so hard for 40+ years and I don't know the real me... Only the me that folk confuse for a neurotypical, straight, cis male, with good manners and a flexible schedule. Well fuck that! But I have this problem where I'm trans no matter how I look at it, and I really want to change my body, but I've really struggled to connect that with some inner sense of gender. I thought I was agender, and compared to most I still am. I really struggle to connect body dysphoria with gender dysphoria, despite the fact all my bodily hates are testosterone induced. So, reflecting on the data and patterns therein is really helping me to integrate all of it, both intellectually and emotionally. Maybe a slightly longer answer than you were expecting 😁

  Open ##1470872