Post #1049494

It's been six months now of declining health. I was chronically ill due to #multiplesclerosis before, but external circumstances have piled on and on and left me in a much worse state. It started with the loss of half of my disability benefits forcing me to push past my limits to make money, then getting COVID, then having to push even further to do a trip to London to perform a show for only 4 people, and then my semi-estranged father died. Along the way I learned something very distressing related to a major trauma from my past, I had a sudden dramatic psychological change that might be an MS attack (still waiting on MRI results), and I got rejected for all the grants I'd applied for. Then I fell in love with someone who wasn't good for me and got my heart broken. I'm polyam and the only good thing in my life is that I still have an incredible partner who loves me and who came over to care for me for a few weeks, but now she's back in Canada and I don't know when I'll see her again. I'm currently having to spend the vast majority of my time horizontal in bed, I hope just due to a temporary glitch in my pain meds. My sleep is severely disrupted due to pain and mental distress, both of which are made worse by lack of sleep. Despite this, I'm still making some progress on #burnoutrecovery by increasing my tolerance for thinking about creative projects again, spending more time reading, and taking steps to access talk therapy.